Perfectly Perfect
by winterpolis
Summary: Barricity drabbles, updated sporadically. 2: she knows she'll always be the last one to have love in her life.
1. please don't be late

**a/n: **for the purpose of this long-ish drabble, i made felicity aware of barry's accident and subsequent coma. this _is_ a pretty overused plot, but i just wanted to use it for barricity

. there's a bit of an underlying olicity in this one, see if you can find it!

hope you guys still enjoy this one! also this is a drabble series, so feel free to prompt me :)

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_I was late, as usual; but in spirit of not being late again, uhh, if you ever decide that Oliver Queen isn't the guy for you-that if you decide that you wanna go on a date with someone else, uhm...you should know that_ that_ guy-he'll be on time._

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_ten._

It's been eight and half months since he was first wheeled into the emergency room, his clothes singed and his face pale.

Eight since she first got the phone call that saw her dropping everything she was doing as of the moment to catch the next train to Central City, and seven since she first started her back-and-forth trips to Central City on the weekends.

Oliver and Diggle have been nagging her nonstop about how the trips have been distracting her, but she's adamant to return every weekend.

Just in case he might wake up soon.

Just in case.

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><p><em>nine.<em>

"You're not even sure if he's _ever_ going to wake up, Felicity! Why do you keep torturing yourself like this?"

Oliver shouting at her on one of her bad days isn't exactly helping her feel better, so excuse her if she's a bit snappy and on edge.

"How do you know that, Oliver? How do you know today will not be the day? That tomorrow or the day after that, he won't wake up? How do you know there's no more hope? I know you've never really liked Barry, but he... He gives me hope, something that I've been struggling with ever since my dad left me and my mom, okay? Since I met Barry, for the first time, I felt like someone didn't really want to say goodbye to me. As if 'goodbye' actually meant 'I'll see you again soon' or 'I don't want to leave because I want to, but because I _need _to.' Every other goodbye has been a finality in my life, Oliver. But with Barry...it's not. So please understand that I need to do this for myself, more than I'm doing this for him. I need to hope-to go back and be _there_-just to know that this one person whose goodbyes aren't a final farewell really exists. And that he will _continue _to exist."

She's walking out the door of Verdant when she hears him murmur to himself, "I would never say goodbye to you, Felicity. At least, not in that way."

She knows he never meant for her to hear. But she did anyway.

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><p><em>eight<em>.

It's raining outside tonight, and she's lost count of how many Saturdays bleeding into Sundays it has been that she's spent falling asleep to the sound of dripping IV and a beeping heart monitor on an uncomfortable, plastic chair beside his bed.

She'd stopped counting somewhere after the fourth month, but she's yet to lose hope. She can't afford it.

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><p><em>seven<em>.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"

She can barely register the words as the piping hot coffee runs down the front of her shirt, the burn on her skin too painful. But somehow, she manages to expel a breathy "I-it's okay."

Before she can process anything more, the dark-skinned girl starts wiping her blouse with fistfuls of tissue. "I really am sorry, I just wasn't paying attention. I'll pay you back for your shirt, I pro-"

"Really, it's okay. I'm not permanently wounded or anything, and I actually didn't really like this shirt." The pain is ebbing and she's babbling again, but the girl who spilled coffee on her shirt (which is actually her favorite; she lied, okay-who hasn't lied in their lives?) just chuckles nervously.

"I'm sorry again, but I really do need to go; I'm late for a date!"

"Oh, okay, uhm, enjoy?"

The girl is already running towards the elevators.

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><p><em>six.<em>

She would later find out from Barry's night shift nurse who'd taken a fond liking to her that the girl who spilled coffee on her was Iris West, Barry's best friend.

Iris was a local detective's daughter; and second only to herself as the person who frequently visited Barry.

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><p><em>five.<em>

It's the first day of the ninth month when he first shows signs of waking up.

But it's also the day where his heart rate quickens to an almost-heart attack that scares the life out of her. Everything happens so quickly and all she remembers is tears running down her cheeks and her voice cracking as she pleads for him to hold on.

Before she leaves Central City for that weekend, she feels a heavy sort of relief knowing that he's still alive though barely hanging in there.

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><p><em>four.<em>

"I know you can't hear me, but I'm losing my mind. They told me months ago that talking to you would help; but at this point, I don't know what to believe in anymore. I don't know what to hold onto anymore. I thought I could handle it, that I could hold on for this long. But it's been nine months, Barry. Nine months of silence. And after that heart attack...I'm not Penelope from _The Iliad. _I may be loyal, but I'm not as strong. And that's my problem, Barry. I thought I was. Strong, I mean. But lately, I've realized that I'm not. And maybe Oliver's right. What if I'm hoping for something that isn't meant to happen? What if you're not going to wake up anymore? What if this is all wishful thinking? What if I've already lost you, even before I've had you?

But then again...what if it's not? What if tomorrow you'll wake up and everything will be okay again? But what if you _won't_? There are so many unanswered questions, and I'm so tired of not having the answers. I just want to stop feeling for a moment. To stop hurting so much. Can I do that, Barry? Can I really stop hoping you'd wake up soon?"

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><p><em>three.<em>

"I don't know how much longer I can take. If...if you don't wake up by the end of today, I'm walking out of here, Barry. And I'm not coming back. I can't keep living like this. I thought I could, but I realize now I can't. It hurts too much. I live with enough uncertainty and uncharted waters back at home. Please wake up, Barry. For me.

You promised me a date, and you promised you wouldn't be late. Please don't be late for me. Please."

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><p><em>two.<em>

"It's 11:59 now. I really should be going back to Starling City. I guess I was wrong about everything. You aren't waking up.

Maybe hearing someone say 'goodbye' and knowing they're not coming back isn't the most painful farewell of all. Maybe it's when you're taken by surprise and you never get to say goodbye at all."

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><p><em>one.<em>

"Goodbye, Barry. I'm sorry we never got to see how things could be."

She leans forward to press a lingering kiss on his forehead, and a solitary tear lands on his forehead.

She's walking towards the door and out his life not soon after.

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><p><em>zero.<em>

The handle is turned down and the door is already open when a loud gasp comes from behind her.

"Felicity."

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I found this to be really crappy huhu. I've been so out of it lately, thank you endless school requirements to be finished over the holidays.


	2. last to love

**a/n: **i was listening to gabrielle aplin's _please don't say you love me_ while listening to this, so you might want to check that out. i believe there's also a barricity video of the same song on youtube, so go check that out too (ps. i loved that video!)

also, this particular one-shot doesn't acknowledge oliver telling felicity he loved her before climbing that mountain in the most recent episode. i'm honestly so torn between olicity and barricity. someone help!

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"I just don't know how much longer I can keep it to myself, Felicity!"

At her friend's frustrated groan, the blonde genius chuckled. It was one of their rare, weekend breaks—a surprisingly quiet day for both Starling and Central City. They'd decided to meet at a cafe in Starling to catch up, what with Barry having no issues with quick transportation (no pun intended).

"Barry Allen, this is the millionth time you've groaned in agony about this mystery girl, whom you claim I actually _know_. So, mister, it's either you tell me who she is and I'd gladly be your wingwoman, or you grow a pair and tell her how you feel yourself." Felicity raised a perfectly arched brow at the brown-haired wonder-boy, a knowing twinkle in her eyes.

All she got in response, however, was another groan.

Smiling into her coffee, she silently reflected on how much things have changed between them and yet, how things were still the same. They've come a long way since her last visit to Central City, namely, her finally getting the closure she needed with Oliver, Barry's own slow closure with Iris, and the recent epiphany she had that she was falling slowly for Barry. Of course, with his own new Mystery Girl to keep him occupied, she hadn't hoped that the feelings would ever be returned—it was just the way her life was with love. Always the one left behind and unloved.

But no matter, Barry deserved his own happy ending, so even if it wasn't with her, he'd gladly see him get that happy ending. She'd get over him. Or at least she hoped she would.

"Look, Barry, how bad could it be if you told her?" When her companion opened his mouth to speak, she raised a hand to silence him. "If you're going to say she might reject you, then maybe that's not such a bad thing." At his affronted look, she rolled her eyes and continued, "At least you know you took the risk and won't spend the rest of forever wondering what would have happened if you actually took the chance. What have you got to lose anyway? She just might reciprocate the feelings for all you know. But until you tell her, you'll never know."

Barry looked pensive by the time she finished speaking and finally glanced up to see his reaction. He was staring out the window when he finally spoke. "I'm just worried this will be Iris all over again, you know?"

Felicity smiled not unkindly and placed a comforting hand over his. "It's all in the risk, Barry. Like I said, if you never give yourself a chance, you'll never know. You owe it to yourself to see how it goes."

He nodded and smiled a moment later. "Thanks, Felicity. You always know what to say."

She laughed. "Experience taught me everything I know, Barry."

His smile turned into a goofy grin. "That makes both of us, though I think I have more to learn."

She smiled fondly at that. "We both do."

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**a/n2: **i'm thinking of making a second part to this. thoughts on that?


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